Rise to Peace, #RIPHanaKimura

"When I first met you for the first time (...) I met you and I fell in love." - Hana Kimura (P3:E32)

This tribute might not be the most flattering piece on Hana Kimura online, but she has been in the forefront of my mind for the past month and I have no clue how much longer she will stay. But her name will never escape my mind fully.

The first time I saw Hana Kimura on "Terrace House," she gifted those opening words to her housemate Ryo. It was fitting because there were a multitude of others who felt the same towards her.

As I watched her episodes of "Terrace House," my mind shifted from "why have I never met anyone like this in my life" to the quick realization that I had, and she has been my best friend for 15 years. Hana Kimura was everything that's beautiful about life, and I know that firsthand because that was my conclusion 15 years ago when I met my best friend. Hana's mother was a pro wrestler and my friend's mother is a musician, and both of them "continued the family business" (as Hana had said).

Hana Kimura told us that she did not want to be human anymore, and I feel those words elevate her into a legend for many. The kindest, sweetest, and fiercest. Her life was a mystery, but thankfully she shared so much of it with the public that we can find something of ourselves in so many aspects of her life.

She was the girl who would be the first to tell her friends how pretty they were, so she could invalid their words when they reciprocated a compliment as them simply being polite.

She dreamed of a love grander than any reality offers, which she alone may have even deserved, but that oasis in her mind kept pushing her toward a dry mirage. She went on dates with her crush and other housemates, but then still said that she had not been on any dates. Her idea for the real world seemed to be set higher than our reality. A steep, ardous climb to prove herself to her own harshest critic in denial.

She was indefatigable, accelerating through life by thriving on a schedule that kept her locked in overdrive, working 24/7 for nine months, not to mention the three years of indie wrestling before then, but it all halted immediately.

She was either a weak girl with a strong woman façade, or vice-versa. The moment in "Terrace House" where I judge her truest character was on her one-on-one date with Ryo before the water park. Buying a swimsuit, but not selecting the one her love liked more because it was not her. She was a strong woman. At her best. Among her friends.

She was still the lonely girl. That no matter how much she achieved, and gaining main event status with worldwide exposure within four years is a phenomenal accomplishment, she was still the same girl she always was. In her mind. In her heart.

She was the most relatable person, living her life openly and honestly, like a mirror for us to see and to judge ourselves in her reflection. Good people saw her and said, "that is me" or "I should be more like that" and learned to love themselves or others more. Others saw her and said, "that can't be me" and invalidated what they saw.

She had life all figured out, yet it was not good enough for her. The idea that she was too good for this life has settled into my mind. Maybe she was right, for her anyway, not the rest of us. The most beautiful flowers get picked first.

In some ways, I am eager to move forward with what I have learned from her in mind, different & better. Every so often, life presents us a reminder that where we have spent our energy and focus was not on what matters.

No one who lacks empathy is a well-rounded person.

"Thank you for providing me with an opportunity for growth."