Her face struck me like a lightning bolt out of "The Godfather." Too bad she was cross-examining me a couple hours later. Oh well, I never saw her again anyway, but it's how I got to there that I remember most.
I was February 2, 1995, and I was a senior in high school. My first hour class was band practice, and my best friend in class was an ambitious sophomore I called "Rat." He always had a million things going at once, so he was never short on drama, which became my morning dose of entertainment. On this day, he was freaking out because the school's mock trial team had fallen apart because one person couldn't make the trip to state competition on Friday. I didn't know mock trials had state competitions, but there were about a half-dozen students involved, and I suspect they were the only ones aware our school had a mock trial team.
Rat said that it was unfortunate because the person who bailed had the easiest part ever. That's when my paperthin altruism kicked in. I asked if it were something that I could learn in a day. I think he told me that almost anyone could learn it in a day before he realized that I was volunteering my services. His drama-meter went from "awful" to "ecstatic" before I even committed to it. A day out of school in Tulsa sounded fun to me anyway, so I think his enthusiasm and appreciation made it worth my while.
Apparently, the mock trial teams were for students with a pre-law interest, which is how the rest of the school had never heard of them. My interest in the endeavor was more immediate. Later that night, I had an interview with the board to determine whether or not I would get my Eagle Scout award. Their motto was "do a good turn daily," and it was well-known one of their two-part questions was "what is our motto?" and "what good turn have you done today?" I figured this story would make up for any other questions that I wasn't ready for, or the fact that I never learned how to tie a real knot.
I was right. The question was presented, and the board was floored by my generocity. Although one member was cognizant enough to comment with a smile, "good thing that happened today!" I kept it quiet that the timing of my generocity wasn't a coincidence.
The following night, I had my first meeting with Rat, Smiley, and Traci. The three of us had spent plenty of hours together on Friday nights. The on-going joke was that no matter where they set up shop on Friday night, I'd always happen by them and join the group. This was before the days of cellphones and texting, obviously.
The mock trial was some false scenario where the seniors in the school marching band were getting sued for some reason, or maybe their parents were suing the school for suspending them from the band for a violation of some sort. I don't remember, but my role was the "negligent" band director who let it happen. I had to explain how every year, seniors of the band would take it upon themselves to select one song unbeknownst to me, and it had become a beloved tradition (the likes of which had never spurned any controversy previously).
All in all, it was the easiest part. Plus, it got me excused from my classes to ride a bus to Tulsa (with an early, early departure in the morning, which was the biggest drawback).
I never had an interest in courts per se, but I found it interesting overall. Of course, then I saw the attorney of the school we'd be facing. She was gorgeous! Especially for a high school student. She looked more like 24 anyway, or at least, looking at her, I knew that she would be gorgeous until she turned 24 (which in those days was a lot older to me than it is now).
As our mock session started, one thing led to another and it became apparent that she was going to be talking to me directly. Technically, she was talking to my character. But that technicality didn't help much when I got up there and she asked my name and a flood of overlapping heartbeats created a stutter. Addressing the board to determine whether or not I'd get to be an Eagle Scout was easier than this confrontation.
Luckily, I knew my part and I knew what I was supposed to say. There weren't too many curve balls for my character, except the gorgeous faux attorney wanted to prove a misguided point by putting undue blame on my character as a witness, I guess to remove it from her defendants. She was prepared to end the cross-examination questions by stating, "So if you had done your job correctly, then none of us would be here today!" Unfortunately, I did not realize it wasn't a question. I spoke up and said, "I don't know. The students from the past eight years have done virtually the same thing, and this is *MY* first time here."
My flippant response sparked laughter from the rest of my team. I have to admit that the gorgeous faux attorney did handle her response beautifully, especially to the point that I wasn't willing to add any further wrinkles in her argument. Her team managed the win (even today, I don't know how you win a mock trial) but my performance on the stand became lore amongst my friends for the rest of the year. The team was just happy to be there, considering how a few days earlier, they thought they wouldn't be allowed to compete.
The most legendary comment though came from our own team's cutest attorney. It wasn't even part of the mock trial itself, but our key prosecutor laid out the most amazing final argument that I had ever heard! Granted, my pool of reference was shallow but as the case was presented in front of me, I thought it was pretty open/shut. Chad proved me wrong. He delivered his points with airtight conviction, and I remember my jaw dropping at his unique twist of logic in the case.
Afterwards, he came back to our table where I was sitting nearby. By this point, I had noticed that a member of our opposing school's team had his eyes affixed on our cute student. Luckily, I was watching him when she made a statement, which literally made the kid's eyes bug out. Chad sat back down to our table and the presiding judge went back to her chambers where she could tally up points and announce a winner. As soon as she left, we heaped praise on Chad. The cute girl said it best, "Oh Chad, you were so wonderful! You didn't stutter at all, and I could see your thing."
Later Rat explained to me that her statement translated into English as "I understood your argument."
Oddly enough, the whole experience had added value for me about 11 years later when Jeordie was kicked off the stage at a gig that I had organized for playing a cover song. The owner said that his venue was not licensed to have cover songs played, which was true, except (at least according to copyright laws as of 1995) money is only owed to the artist when/if the audience has paid to hear the performance. Since there was no cover at the door, his assessment was wrong. Regardless it was his venue and he could do what he wanted, so this logic failed to change anything. Besides, I could tell that he just didn't like Jeordie anyway and the whole situation was a matter of bad booking, even though neither Jeordie nor the owner would blame me for it.
