What's Amazon?

Last night I went to the grocery store to cash in my overgrown collection of coins.  I kept the quarters, but 26 dimes, 29 nickels, and 176 pennies went into the Coinstar machine at my nearby Albertson's and I put it on an Amazon gift card to avoid the 9% service charge.

Afterwards, I sauntered around the store because it was almost after 11 p.m. and I had nowhere to go.  I found an attractive deal on oven pizzas, so I bought a couple.  The cashier was someone who I had seen at that store for seemingly as long as I have lived in Scottsdale, so I asked when she started working there.  She said 13 years, so I explained mentioned how long I had been coming to the store, and then she saw my Coinstar slip and asked if I needed to cash it.  I said it was going to Amazon, and she noted that she never knew there was that option on the machine, but her next statements were what caught me off-guard due to the genuine sincerity: "What is Amazon?  I have heard of it, but I've never known exactly."

It was March 8, 2013, and I was interacting with a woman who had dutifully done the same job for the past 13 years at the same branch, and she was unsure what Amazon.com was.

It was a (timely) reminder of how vastly different people can live within the same realm of existence.  The Internet connects us but it has not changed human nature: we will do as we've always done.  We will make our choices and our mistakes and end up living the same basic lives as our ancestors.  Same amount of smiles, same amount of laughs, same amount of tears, same amount of troubles, same amount of joy, same amount of fear; just different causes for each.

To take the long way into make my point, I did not watch the entire Super Bowl this year, although I saw parts of it.  One commercial that seemed to capture most people's praise (at least in my circles, including my preferred media outlets) was the Budweiser ad called "Brotherhood" with a Clydesdale and its owner.  It has had outstanding praises, including 2.5 million views on YouTube where I read through the past week of comments.  Not one person acknowledged that the commercial was a remake of "Christian The Lion," a real moment with its own online following about two Englishmen and their pet lion who greeted them with a loving embrace after a year of living in a refuge in Africa.

In reality, the Internet is so vast that it leaves a huge disconnect among people.  Even the closest friends can hardly share everything they enjoy online.  Albeit, it binds us so that most everyone would know what Amazon.com is nowadays.

Life is what you make of it.  Not in the remedial "actions have consequences" way, although that is where most people seem to stop, but it applies equally strong within a broader spectrum.  Every time I hear someone say, "I believe everything happens for a reason," my first thought is always, "Neat, I believe in cause & effect as well!"  Often those reasons the people are so blindly at a loss to find are directly linked to the actions of their past.  Not to discredit God's influence, in which I wholly believe, but it seems as though a lot of what others attribute to God's greater plans are consequences from their own mistakes and carelessness that they are unable to accept.  In those occasions, I sense God sees the struggle and shrugs and thinks "hopefully, he/she will use this opportunity to walk closer with me now," when it feels to them as though God is sleeping.

It reminds me of the (not-nearly-repeated-enough) final words on the misled Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien: "I hate cynicism – it's my least favorite quality, and it doesn't lead anywhere.  Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen!"

The Jeopardy of Contentment

Three years ago, this felt like the words I wanted to say.  Now, it feels like the words I'm supposed to hear.

Basically, this is an apology.  I still know what's best for both of us, kid.

We've been through enough, there's nothing left to prove.  The feeling's mutual, but not exclusive.

Alibis are only excuses; allowances for us to abuse the truth.  The truth is I'm done with them.  You may not ever hear them again, and still they only fulfill so much until we have to fess up and face the facts the best we can or live with the consequence: the resulting accident.

Our patience is fading.  Consider this courtesy, if not somewhat evasive underneath, but even if it just thrills my soul or it burns another hole, I've got to let it go before we can't.  So long!  You've got to believe there's something better out there, someone better out there for you than me.

So, there you left me standing to fend for myself however, but I'm holding up, I'm pulling through.  I'm not sure what else you expect me to do, but I won't deny that I'm taking it hard... I'm taking whatever's available to me... you see, that's just the way I deal with grief.

Since I left you here in our destroyed machine, I fear you've grown immune to the difference between whether you're holding on or you're just holding out.  Do me a favor, love.  Let me go!  Let me loose before it's too late to choose.

While your pride is numb, while your face is still young, while your hands are still clean, just wash yourself of me.





Read more at http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858661013/#dPQK7eGOhHyvbdqJ.99 

Sensitivity #FAIL!

Do I look racist to you?

There's little question whether racism exists today.  Most people would have to admit that it does.  But the real argument is how much has it improved in the past few decades.  If anyone said that racism is worse now than it has ever been, I think it would immediately invalidate their opinion for pure ignorance on the issue at hand.

Unfortunately, racism is not an issue that can be resolved overnight; nor is it found every time the proverbial boy cries wolf.  Personally, I think the bigger issue today is racial sensitivity (at least in terms of "more widespread," not bigger as in more destructive).  In my opinion one of the problems is that not many people think about racial sensitivity as a concept.  Often people are so defensive against racism that they cannot see the insensitivity.

I identified this issue a few years ago when I argued with an online blogger about his proclamation about something "nobody outside of India" wanted to see.  I argued that I did want to see the situation develop "so spare me your racial comments," and he went off.  His argument was that it wasn't racist because if you replace "Germany" with "India," then it isn't offensive to Germans.  Except that comparison was invalid because the population of India is predominantly a difference race.  He also said that he was "being sarcastic," which was endlessly amusing to me because the offending statement did not embody sarcasm in any fashion.  I stopped writing on his blog for a while and when I resumed, I renamed myself Mr. Sarcasm (but never used any sarcasm) as an oblique jab at him.  Unfortunately, I was unable to articulate myself well enough to leverage the term "racial sensitivity" as a concept, but I doubt he would've agreed anyway.

Say what it is. What can go wrong?

Last year, I encountered a racial sensitivity fail so outrageous that I actually paid money to avoid it becoming a customer service issue at work (now I turn around and display it online).  There was a plush doll of a monkey being sold with outrageously large kissy lips for Valentine's Day.  While I initially wanted to dismiss it as an unfortunate coincidence, the price tag describing the product changed my mind.  It was a brown monkey with a pink belly and hands.  For reasons that can only be questioned, the tag named the product "Black."  When we rang it up, it was in our system under VAL PLSH BIG LIPS MONKY.

Brown + pink = black?

For the sake of universal harmony, you can argue that it was not designed with any intended racial implications.  That's the problem!  There are certain considerations that cannot be ignored to maintain racial sensitivity.  It may not have been a racist joke among workers when this product was created, priced, and shipped, but the fact that the overtones were not identified in itself was the issue.

The argument could be made that it was just merchandise sold exclusively for Valentine's Day.  To which I would ask, "Oh, you mean only during Black History Month?"

Another Recipe

Way back when, I wrote a post about my favorite recipes.  Since then, I've learned that cooking is a lot more fun if you know a few "extra" tricks.  I recently have added to my kitchen  with the purchase of a QD Maker and a mincer/chopper.  While I have not taken the opportunity to make any of my hummus quesadillas with that QD Maker yet, my girlfriend taught me a new recipe which opens the door wide open for a lot of creativity (define that word as you wish).

SIMPLE PASTA
Minimum ingredients:
-Pasta (~12 oz.)
-Sauce (~25 oz.)
-Mozzarella cheese (~8 oz.)

Instructions: Cook the pasta, then mix it in a bowl with the sauce and 6 oz. of cheese (e.g. 3/4ths of the bag), then place it in baking dish and top it with the rest of the cheese and cover for 30 minutes at 375°F.

Here's where the fun begins because you can add flavors to this dish in almost any way you want.  Personally I like to hit the dollar store (lucky for me, there's a $.99 Only store across the street from me) and add a few more ingredients directly into the sauce.  Particularly, I enjoy diced tomatoes and mincing up olives.  I have also added meatballs, onions, and/or mushrooms on occasion, depending on my cravings that specific day.  Olive oil is always recommended!  Ditto for basil, oregano, garlic powder, and/or onion powder.

Not One Thing

Tonight was my last shift at PETCO.

My girlfriend made the day more special for me by restocking my fridge with milk (in response to a Tweet I made the night before lamenting my inability to find time to buy milk while working two jobs) and buying my favorite cereal (which was exactly why I wanted milk, honestly), a block of extra sharp cheddar cheese, tortillas, fresh salad, and delicious apples.  Regardless, retail is NOT my forte so, even though I found a good rhythm at the store and really enjoyed my time there, I was not going to miss it.

During my shift, my girlfriend asked (via text) if I was sad.  Immediately after I replied ("Not even a little"), Finger Eleven "One Thing" came on the store's audio.  I have been remiss in noting all the factors that went into my leaving finance, because there were so many and the reasons for leaving outnumbered the reasons to stay, but this song played a role.  What sounds like such a beautiful triumph harbors so much defeat.

My personal attachment to the song begins (and ends) with Chris Benoit.  When WWE released his DVD in 2004, on the heels of his ascension to the World Title status, they concluded his biography with this song.  It fit his life story immaculately, but the first time I saw it, my vicarious joy in the success that his sacrifices bore suddenly turned into a harrowing sadness; I couldn't help thinking, "now what?"  His life was for one purpose and once he reached the top, what was left in life?  Nowadays, when I hear the song, the tragedy of the Benoit family murders taints it with an all-encompassing melancholy.

The misplaced wisdom of the song's message wouldn't have struck me so harshly tonight, but-for my reasons for seeking employment at PETCO in the first place.

I started the Paralegal Studies Program at Phoenix College in May 2011.  I quit my job of 8.5 years at Vanguard a month earlier, and I was comfortable enough that I could have completed the program without part-time employment, but it did not take long for me to realize I *needed* some income.  Sitting back and watching all my savings dissipate was too much to take, so I sought part-time work.

At that point, I had two logical options.  I could apply at law firms for a foot-in-the-door, or I could apply at nearby retail stores in an unrelated field.  I opted the latter based on the future wisdom of what I would rather have done 10 years from now.  I figured if I started a career in law immediately, then I would burn out on it sooner (or worse, I could get a souring experience).  If I learned something new, as was my personal mantra in 2011, then I could look back and appreciate filling that small window of opportunity with something completely different than where I had been or where I was going.

Life isn't about one thing.  Life is all things.  So many people get stuck in their "one thing" and lose out on the rest.  I heard the song, but I didn't like the message.  I chose to make my life more than one thing.  God willing, a lot more.

It was a perfect time to be reminded of my decision, so closely removed from cursing that same decision during the two months I applied for several jobs in law each week but not getting more than one isolated interview (largely because I had forgotten to attach my resume to the application).

Today, I am happily employed in a small law firm handling bankruptcy, Family Law, and civil cases simultaneously.  I feel it is a golden opportunity to make a lasting career in the law field, and I cannot wait to learn whatever I can in this newest endeavor.

Favorite TV Characters

Recently I was watching Arrested Development, and I noted that if I compiled a list of my Top 20 favorite sit-com characters, then that show would probably have four of them.  I haven't given too much thought to the list yet, but coming up with five of my all-time favorite characters is easy.  Keep in mind, this list is strictly for live-action TV shows, and I will eliminate every show with puppets so all of The Muppets, ALF, and characters from Greg The Bunny won't clutter the list.  Also, shows with "character actors" like WWE and faux-reality shows like "The Hills" are eliminated because, otherwise, Shawn Michaels and Lauren Conrad would be a given to make the list with minimal rationale.

Since I can edit posts later, these first few are in no particular ranking (alphabetical order by surname IRL).

Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman)
Arrested Development was one of the first American TV shows to rely on a cast of abject human beings with virtually no redeeming qualities.  At the center of the mayhem of their selfishness and stupidity, however, was straight-man Michael Bluth as the family's voice of reason and social conscious, and Jason Bateman tops the short list of actors who are genuinely funny in a straight-man role in my opinion.

Eddie Finnerty (Kevin Corrigan)
While Grounded For Life was hardly a memorable show, the family was Catholic, so I have a bias (even if they were NOT a remarkable Catholic family).  Even before Gob Bluth, Kevin Corrigan was blending stupidity with selfishness together so well as Eddie Finnerty that it was almost impossible to determine whether his lines were written to represent the character's true opinion or an excuse to further his immediate cause.  Of course, the logical answer is that nothing he said was "true" because he was a fictional TV character, but that character was so expertly conniving that I still have some doubts.

Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby)
Between the saccharin families of early television and the abject lifestyles in modern television, '80s television had Cliff Huxtable, who naturally blended the traits of an ideal husband/father with those of the easily irritable man of the house.  He was as fatherly as Mike Brady with moments of frustration resembling Al Bundy, creating a family sit-coms that defied generational limitations.

Alex P. Keaton (Michael J. Fox)
The initial marketing pitch behind Family Ties was "cool parents, lame kids," and over-achiever Alex P. Keaton fit the character so perfectly that his lamest qualities were often his best.  He was often selfish, always serious, and rarely sensitive, but the writers of the show maximized his minutes and turned him into one of the most endearing TV characters of all-time, objectively and subjectively.

Chandler Bing (Matthew Perry)
The cast of Friends had to wear several hats as the term "dramedy" entered the American lexicon during the show's run.  Although he fell short on drama, Chandler was versatile in his comedy because his comedic timing on punchlines was nearly flawless, and conversely, his straight-man reactions were equally effective.  If I ever rank these characters by preference, then expect Chandler Bing to sit atop as #1.

Uncle Jesse (John Stamos)
The broken-family comedy Full House is the punchline of many jokes these days, but at its start, it was a strong cast and solid writing.  The entire male demographic was present among down-to-Earth dad Danny Tanner, funny-and-sincere Joey Gladstone, and cool-and-carefree Jesse Katsopolis.  John Stamos did more than portray his character on the show, he virtually became him (from allegedly dating his TV wife Lori Loughlin to changing the character's surname to match his own Greek ancestry).

Honorable Mention: Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris), Jack Tripper (John Ritter), Roseanne Conner (Roseanne Barr), Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert), Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar), Kevin Arnold (Fred Savage), and (tie) Paul & Jamie Buchman (Paul Reiser & Helen Hunt).

South Park

Tonight, my favorite television show returns for the second half of its 16th season!  I am excited.

Welcoming viewers since August 1997.

I was a huge fanatic when "South Park" started in August 1997.  I remember the pilot episode aired on one of the Wednesday nights before I got cable installed into my studio apartment, so it took several months before I saw that pilot episode, but I remember specifically the interaction that completely won me over was in the fourth episode titled "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride," where Chef (acting as Coach) was talking to the elementary football team and said, "Ok children, I know that you are all extremely excited & nervous & anxious about the Homecoming game against Middle Park."  Kyle asked, "Who's Middle Park?"  Cartman added, "What's Homecoming?"

If I were from South Park...

After that line, I knew this show was something special.  In the early seasons, a lot of their humour was in pure randomness and, growing up as a fan of "The State on MTV," I loved it!  The other immediate trademark was intentionally-outdated pop culture references from Tina Yothers to John Stamos('s older brother).  Many times I was just left speechless, whether I was laughing or just so flabbergasted wondering "how do they even think of these things?"  Seriously, who thinks to write the kids training a dog to respond to a command like "Don't be gay, Spark!  Don't be gay!"

The second season began with an epic April Fool's Day prank, which somewhat backfired because most viewers apparently did not have a sense of humor about themselves.  Except me.  I was such a huge fanatic that when the first season ended with the promise that the next episode would be in four weeks to reveal who Cartman's father was, I ran to a calendar and pinpointed the date.  Immediately, I noticed it was April 1st, and for the next four weeks, I told anyone who would listen that it would be an April Fool's prank.  While I didn't predict that the episode to air would focus on Terrance & Philip (I expected Comedy Central would simply air a short vignette saying "April Fool's Day"), that T&P episode actually became my favorite single episode for the first several seasons (all the way until "The Death of Eric Cartman" in season nine).

GO HABS GO!

By the fifth season, I had trouble keeping "South Park" in my weekly schedule.  I usually enjoyed new episodes when I saw them, but the show was not a priority in my schedule.  As a result, I never bought any South Park DVD sets when they were released.  In fact, it really wasn't until "South Park" came to syndication that it became a regular program on my TV again.  Many nights I would be *almost* asleep when suddenly they popped off with a punchline that sent me into a riotous laughing fit.

One Sunday night, I could not sleep and I eventually gave up around 3 a.m. to search for something on television to put me to sleep.  I expected to fall asleep during any given program, but instead I found an episode of "South Park" where I was hooked from start to finish, but completely drained from all my laughing that I went straight to sleep as soon as it finished.  The episode was their season 11 opener, "With Apologies to Jesse Jackson," which started with Randy Marsh in the bonus round of Wheel Of Fortune getting stumped by the final letter to "People Who Annoy You," after being given "N _ G G E R S" (the right answer was naggers; of course, that's not how he answered).

Eventually, "South Park" became a television obsession for me; it attained the rare status of one of those shows that I could watch every time it aired, regardless how many previous times I had seen the same episode.  Even though the show was on syndication each night, I still felt as though I needed to have it more readily available at my disposal, so I purchased "South Park: The Hits, Volume 1."  Most fans would not have wasted their money on this purchase since all of the episodes were available on prior box sets, but I had not purchased any of the season box sets, so this set was all new episodes to my collection.

Ya know?

Contrary to my original intentions, I slowly started buying the season box sets.  Luckily (ok, I planned it this way to a large degree), most of the sets had been out a while so they had fallen from their original "new release" prices.  I don't think I have paid over $20 for any set, all the way up to last week when I bought Season 15 for under $15, and I own every season (except season 11, for select reasons).

While a lot of the show's characteristics have remained the same, the story telling and humour have definitely evolved.  Whereas the humour used to be its pure randomness, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have developed into incredible satirists.  Whereas the show used to have subplots in each episode, nowadays they can fill an entire episode with one story (beginning with "Scott Tenerman Must Die").  The shock factor has worn thin, but the brand itself remains strong as Comedy Central's most successful show.  And for the fans who still follow it, the show is still pretty special.

Even the Stanley Cup loves "South Park."

Trey Parker and Matt Stone have perfected the ability to satire both sides of arguments, then sound like geniuses by conveying a reliable lesson on moderation or simplicity at the end.  Their scope of satires has been pretty impressive as well, ranging from The Dark Knight trilogy to "The Real Housewives of New Jersey," from Wal-Mart to Hooters, and from the 9/11 conspiracy theories to Cash For Gold stores.  Almost every organized religion and sport has been satired at some point in the show's history.  Yet occasionally, they will tug on the heartstrings of even the most jaded viewers as proven by "You're Getting Old," the mid-season finale last year.

All in all, it's pretty impressive for a group of today's 10-year-olds who would have originally been born in 1991.