Think Like a Fish

I came up with this blog title a couple weeks ago (maybe less) but I wrote nothing for it.  I am guessing that it was about one of two things: drinking or dating.  I would hate to speculate what I was going to say about either subject at the time, but I would be happy to share my current thoughts as of this evening.

DRINKING: I think the subject header was based on my impromptu, uninspired decision to give up drinking last week.  On Friday night, I drove Jeordie to a gig at an Irish pub where I had one Bud Light at about 8:30PM.  The following Friday night, I drove Jeordie & Chad to a different gig at a different Irish pub where I had one Bud Light around 10:30PM.  In between, I didn't drink any alcohol at all.

I have never had any issues with drinking too much personally.  But I have always felt as though I have an addictive personality, so I have been extra cautious about my drinking habits ever since I turned (two months away from) 22 since it took me 10 months to realize I was suddenly old enough to get into all bars in the Valley.  Additionally, I have a very close friend who got a DUI about ten months ago, and he is still having to deal with it.  It was a huge wake-up call to everyone he knew because now, although he still drinks, he does not drink and drive -- and he will not let me either.

Strawberry is "hit & miss" socially but its summers are great!

On the first Saturday night of my alcohol embargo, I went up to Strawberry, AZ, with Jeordie, which is about 90 miles north and 10-20 degrees cooler.  I did not have the intention to not drink, but the last time I was at this particular location, I was treated so shitty that I started calling Strawberry "the abortion that the state of Arizona should have had."  I don't know if it was my ability to stay out of the way, or if it were just that my words were overly harsh, but I did not find as many "personality conflicts" this time.  I label that as "personality conflicts" because if you've ever been to a small town where everyone is overly friendly to all strangers, then this town was the smaller town to that town, where it's the exact opposite and every stranger is considered an intruder (and "how dare they intrude!").  The people were pathetic, but this time, the pathetic people left me alone and only the people that like other people bothered me (which was not an actual bother).  I spent half the night reading the Patrick Roy biography that my mother bought me for my birthday (and I'm still less than half-way through) and the other half of the night listening to the music from my car in a slowly successful attempt to sleep.

The next day, I dropped Jeordie off at the airport because she was going to join Chad in San Diego for a day or two (it turned out to be two).  At one point in those days, I considered opening a bottle of wine that Jeordie had given me (every so often, she hands me a bottle of wine in gratitude for all I do for them) but I opted against it for one reason or another.  I guess the thought in the back of my mind that inspired the embargo was a picture of Jeordie and I where my head looked bloated, so I figured a few days of not drinking should straighten it out.  I don't know if it's just a matter of my perception or if it actually works, but this isn't the first time I've had this thought/reaction to a photo of myself.

"The Last Honest Hamburger" is $5.95 in Cave Creek

Chad & Jeordie got back to town on Tuesday, but they made it home via the Light Rail, and for one reason or another, I didn't cross paths with them.  The next night, Jeordie got an early gig up north in Cave Creek at C4 (Cave Creek Coffee Company).  By pure luck and good friends, she was able to get a ride to the location but she needed me to bring her back.  It had been since Sunday afternoon that I had seen her, so I was happy to see her, but the prices of almost everything in Cave Creek are inflated, so I didn't drink anything.  At one point, I snuck a sip of what I thought was Jeordie's wine or beer, but it turned out to be her water, so my embargo stayed in tact.

Thursday was nothing special (apparently, since I don't remember it) and then Friday was the gig where I asked Chad to order me a beer on the band's tab, so if the bar comped the band, I could get a free drink, and if they didn't, then I could throw in a few dollars at the end of the night.  Not drinking is easier than some people make it out to be, but admittedly, it sure can get boring!

DATING: Although I believe "Think Like a Fish" was in reference to fish being surrounded by water and never drinking (a comparison to myself being surrounded by drinkers and not drinking), I think the title would be better served to describe my views on dating.  The old saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea" had always confused me since I found it extremely sexist and I'm a feminist (nevermind the fact that the advice could be given to either gender) but the comparison of fishing to dating made no sense to me.

Then I flipped the perspective.  No longer the fisherman, I'm a fish!  *Spare me the cue for the South Park spoof of Kayne West.*

It took me 25 years before I realized that dating & courtship are a lot easier when you just swim about your day without obsessing over another person.  After all, you cannot change someone's mind and you cannot made someone else's decision (unless you're controlling, in which case you've got more problems than courtship permits).  And by this time, I decided to add "interested" to the top of the list as what I would look for in a perspective girlfriend.  That's a personal choice after I realized that if my girlfriend weren't interested in me when we started dating, then I'd have heightened trust issues.

This phrase ("Think Like a Fish") is more apt right now than in recent months, because, for a week or two (maybe it was the entire week I went without drinking?), I got incredibly infatuated by a different girl every day.  Incredibly infatuated.  At one point, I saw a beautiful girl having lunch with her mother at Wendy's, and she looked like a friend of mine, so I immediately texted her, "what's the best pickup line to use on you? There's a beautiful girl in here that looks just like you, and I'm hoping it's transferrable."  To her credit, she was more than ready and willing to help me, but I opted not to follow her sound advice of introducing myself and asking the girl what her name was.  Why not?  Because I burst out laughing at something my friend had texted me, and the girl didn't smile at me.  Are my standards too high?  It depends on the definition of "standards" by which you're judging me, but a positive demeanor is very important, and I think smiling when you hear someone laugh is a strong indication of positive energy.

The real reason I didn't ask her name at that point was my demeanor at the time scared me.  If I had such a short attention span that I could see one girl and forget about the other girl who had my heart racing the day before, I probably wasn't in a good state of mind to date or pursue anything.  Although, I can eliminate the idea that I'm not confident enough to ask out a girl that I like because I went on a quick date with one this past week.

I have a close friend with whom I had been discussing most of these misadventures or whatever misnomer would apply, and I pointed out that my ideal dating structure would be to start as friends because that way you can maintain a solid friendship, even if the person isn't what you would call "dating material."  I shared a story from several years ago where I went to dinner with two really cute girls simultaneously when all three of us started the same job.  I thought it was ideal because then I could compare & contrast both girls, side-by-side, and decide which one to pursue.  By the end of the night, both girls annoyed me so badly that I eliminated any further pursuit of them.  For the record, I became close friends with both girls and I'm still friends with one almost eight years later, so it wasn't that they were annoying per se, it was just that they weren't what I was looking for in a girl.

My confidence has risen tenfold since befriending Jeordie.

For the record, this also goes the other direction where I get closer and closer to a girl with whom I am fully infatuated, but she loses interest the closer we get.  Unfortunately, I don't have an example of remaining friends with any girl like that, but I suspect that is mostly because my mindset of thinking like a fish isn't widely employed.

Jeordie and I discussed the subject of dating & courtship at dinner tonight, and ironically (or maybe not) our waitress was one of the girls who caught my infatuation a week or two earlier.  The night I met her was especially meaningful because I was supposed to start dinner for four of us and it was 20 minutes before closing, and I was the only one there.  But as soon as I looked into our waitress' eyes, I was calm.  And flirty.  And then I proceded to drink too much, in hopes that the evening could last longer, which is an absolute first for me.  It was also a last time, since that strategy did not serve me well in the end when I realized I ate and drank more than I could digest.

Jeordie gave me good advice on the subject of pursuits tonight, which fortunately I had already been following.  As we have all heard a million times, it all comes down to confidence.  That's why I decided to think like a fish and just learn to swim.  It's easy and it comes natural to fish.  If I find a hook, then I'll bite.